My boyfriend raped me

So, this is one of those topics that's hard to talk about for many people and for some it takes years to tell their story. This happened to me in 2017 and I never admitted it to myself until 2019, I would tell myself well you guys are dating that's what he's supposed to do and I just sucked it up. He was a toxic person and in my opinion had a black girl obsession. He would always accuse me of cheating and would tell me that he didn't want me to be friends with the guys that I was friends with. I saw the red flags but being young and dumb I ignored them because sometimes he was nice to me and I needed attention from him. Let me just mention that I met him on group tinder (RED FLAG) and I told my friend that I wanted him and she could talk to his friend (they both was trash). So fast forward, we get into a relationship and he takes me back to his house. This is the first time that I've stepped inside and we decide to hang out in his room. We eventually have sex and then we take a nap. Hours go by and then his parents come home, so he goes out and says hey to them, while I'm still laying in the bed. When he comes back into the room he wants to have sex again and I tell him no because his whole family is in the living room, which was right next to his room. He then proceeds to lay on top of me and he's way too heavy for me to push him off, so I just start thinking to myself that the faster I get this over with the faster I can just go home because he drove me there and I lived like 40 minutes away. After that night, I just never felt the same and I became distant from him, but I never thought that I was taken advantage of I just would push it to the back of my mind and just say "this is what I'm supposed to do in a relationship" or I felt as though even if I said no that I didn't want it, it didn't matter because I had already had sex with him that same day. If I would block him, he'd get a new number and call/text me until I unblocked him, if I told him I was at the mall with my best friend he would pop up and find me (His job was right near the mall), he would even pull up at my house and convince me that it was somehow my duty to have sex with him as a girlfriend and me being naive I would suck it up. One weekend, I had decided to go to the beach with my friends and try to have a good time and I don't think I told him so he called and I explained that I was in an airbnb with two of my guy friends, their friends, and my best friend. We got into a heated argument because he didn't think that I should have guy friends even though he had plenty of girls that he was talking to (most likely cheating with), pretty sure I cursed him out, blocked his number and got piss drunk, which also caused some problems when I sobered up the next day. When I got back home I would have really bad anxiety every time my phone would ring and it would be an unknown number, or if I needed to go to the mall I would try to avoid going to a certain area because I didn't want him to be there. I tried to avoid the anxiety that he gave me and I never dealt with it in a healthy way because I didn't know how. I didn't even know the trauma that he caused until I was in a stable healthy relationship and I read an article explaining it to me. I'm still not sure how to deal with coping with what happened because I can talk about him, joke and say that he was crazy and one of the most toxic relationships I've ever had but I know that every time I see his face somewhere it takes me back to the time where I felt powerless and it causes my anxiety to flare up. I definitely would love to fully heal from the situation and become relaxed again.